Nearing The End of Our Show

Well, It's just about over. She will start dating someone else soon, and that will be it. No more chances. I have to admit to myself that it's over. It has been over for a while. She isn't coming back. I'm never going to be able to kiss her again. I wont be able to hold her in my arms.

Par for the course I guess.

Fish ~ Silent Cruise

In Every End There Is A New Beginning

I've decided to start this blog for many reasons.

I should start this out by saying something, some of you won't understand this, but a few of you certainly will.

I've always wanted to be be Mulder, but deep down I know that I'm Scully.

I've tried so hard my entire life to believe in the unexplained and while it's been a fun and often paranoid ride, I don't think it's for me anymore. I always come back to the same conclusion, perhaps I'm fighting to find something so hard because I want to escape the hold harsh truth of reality?

I may post UFO or paranormal or even conspiracy theory material from time to time, but it will certainly be more objective than most out there.

"when I close my eyes
all I see are visions of you
and when I open my eyes
your absence pulls me down
and I try to but I can't
shake myself loose

I can't command my brain
all I do is shrink and think of one thing
I am sitting alone beside me
I'm digging a hole inside myself

all I want is world I think I found
when I look in to your eyes
all I know is that I am tired
of the world around me
please please please don't ignore me

then it came
here I am
thinking of you is everything within me
and I know that you will never feel me
never see me
never know these thoughts of mine
but in my mind you're always there
always smiling and always
reaching out for me
the days go on with heart ache
the days go on with emptiness

all I want is to some how matter to you
even if all else rejection
all I know is that I am hammered
from the world around me
please please please don't destroy me
don't destroy me
don't destroy me
don't destroy me

all I want is world I think I found
when I look in to your eyes
all I know is that I am tired
of the world around me
please please please don't ignore me

and I burn down time
trying to find a way to
get through to you
I know I am standing in
line for a hand out
it'll never come
but still I don't care

felling like
looking like
naked fear is everything
fear is everything I am

laid out
wide eyed
exposed
unable to forget you

all I want is to some how matter to you
even if all else rejection
all I know is that I am hammered
from the world around me
please please please don't destroy me"

I still love you even though you'll never love me the same ever again. It's sadistic, I'm well aware, but I just can't let go yet.